March

March 1

My thoughts drift to the breeze of

Your real death

If it's tomorrow, what will your last

Memory of me be?

Will you even know my face at all?

I pray you don't forget me

When you pass, whenever, wherever.

I won't forget your name

March 2

Watching an ant, trapped and struggling

Mandibles mincing wordless cries

Each leg askew as if contorted by fear

There are two options

Kiss it with your heel and let it ascend

Or pity it and let it flail at oblivion

The ant is my friend, my dear love

Death is the only guarantee and

I can't read the twin scales

Built by God

Power is a weighty spear clasped

In my hand

Help I'm afraid of the consequences

March 3

I can feel my heart slipping out of your hand

Your grasp was never tight by your design

It always took more

My fingers gently curled over yours

An unknowable and mistaken interlocking

Forming a mesh net of unadulterated feeling

Offering empty support to a heart of little contentment

Each mindless swath loosens your grip a bit

I am overwhelmed by what to do

With this Godforsaken pulse

Now that I am unwillingly ready to depart

Your hand would never hold it alone

But I was content to put all of myself

Into a simple connection

And leave it in all of its unrequited glory

I think I'll just leave it in the dirt

It is much better to be trampled

Than to be without you

I would hold your hand forever

And that would be enough

Enough

Enough

Enough

March 4

We treat our bodies like caveats

Caught in the act of being alive

Forcing unholy gales through the maw

A blizzard of words

Struggling to justify another day

Spent alive

March 5

I wish home could mean happy

Then I could be home with you

No need to waste time

On brick and shingle

Focus on knowing

The nooks of one another

And celebrating

In the rain

March 6

If ever I forgot what love feels like

I only need to think of you

If ever I forgot what love looks like

I only need to look at you

If ever I forgot what love tastes like

I only need to kiss you

If ever I forgot what love sounds like

I only need to listen to you

March 7

Heaven is just a room in the sky

No entrance or exit

A shimmering eternity,

Mistaken for a gleam

In a child's eye

More real than believed

March 8

If you're fond of sand dunes

You wouldn't devour the moon

That can't be fair to the ocean

No consideration for its emotion

Consider the dust with brevity

Stare down your own longevity

Lie back and glare at Mercury

Choose not to be cursory

March 9

Arpeggiated shudders on a Monday

Allow yourself a single detour

Insist that it won't take long

While intrinsically knowing that

It will break you

Like an egg tossed into traffic

March 10

The sound of two names in one breath

It breaks me

I wish it didn't

But I know that's a lie

Strung together like failing rope

A rush of blood into

Flushed fingers

Snap, out of it

It never works

And instead I'm

Left here thinking

About you

And about dying

But mostly about you

March 11

Why this waste of perfume?

It would have been better spent

On anything other than me

A handful of gratitude

Poured into the dirt

To no avail

The pleasant scent does nothing to

Mask the crackling odor of blood

But it's poured anyways

In the name of shameless

Undeserved love

March 12

The idea that humans are

  Born

Incomplete is bizarre

Created specifically

  To not be whole

Fill life with Something Good

Never quite full

Never more than three quarters

March 13

Place trust in a basket

No one ever knows its physiognomy

Carved from intuition

And masked by inhibition

A daily study in blindness,

Laughing with your mysterious tongue

It is accepted as a consequence

Of existing with company

March 14

Every time I see you

I fall back in love

Baffled by my heart's capacity

Still cursed by waning wavelengths

Comes back as a tidal wave

Every time

March 15

Is it cheaper

When I say

"I would die

For you"

If I want

To die

The growing number

Seeps into

An infinite pool

Of rainwater

Sobbed by clouds

At the thought

Of an ascendant

Ending

March 16

Snowflakes arrive in defiance of the sun

Shuttered by myriad eyelids

Swallow the anchor in your lungs or

Suffer the consequences

Sleep now or forever hold your peace

Significance self-tested over and over

Splendor showcases a lack of results

Suffocate your parents with

Selfless acts of

Suicidal tendencies

Screaming

"Sorry"

March 17

If I make myself more alone

Will I feel closer to you?

Forcibly clear the room

In the hope that you fill it

But you never do

So I'm still alone

The blessing of the inevitable

March 18

Gaze between the gaps

Ignore the cement in your toes

Think about lips and breathing and...

Citywide dichotomies wafting

Through a curling breeze

Intertwined membranes

Hallucinated from below

Somehow the best in weeks

March 19

"Alone, together" is a fine saying

It cradles a blessed duality

Decimated by a crowd

Sea of fleeting eyes

Rending my claimed personhood

Like heartfelt satin

Haunted by imagined rainfall

March 20

Envy is exceptionally human

"Thou shalt not covet"

Glance at something and

Suddenly it's

All you want

Lusty partner of jealousy

"Thou shalt not covet"

Felt unwillingly, deliberately

March 21

I wear you on my face

Implicit in every crease

Bent over in prayerful deference

Harpies that devour every chord

Oh, to be without a rhythm

Jealous of the possessors of masks

Emptiness is easiest to express

Regardless

March 22

Hallucinate an answer to

    the unsolvable question

Lust after a paper ideal

    of what is unattainable

Crave the crumbling,

    this empire of muslin

Fantasize about being

    profoundly more alone

March 23

Tantalizing cerulean reminds me of drowning

Just another temptation

The sky is jealous of the waves' movement

Just another empty promise

Witness the war of cloud versus crest

Just another shimmer

Let pure blue cradle your blessed lungs

Just another temptation

March 24

The rest is also noise, a Father

    who hears but 

Doesn't seem to listen

Take time to convince your

  Heart

That it is worth speaking to

Call me an insistent child

Bursting with

    unadulterated affluence

March 25

Baffled by you

Delicately inhale

Every day reminds me

Of my love for you

Capture the firefly

Affection

Never let it go

March 26

Such infeasible beauty

Strewn about from

A rib

Naturalistic desire

Crafted from

Lusty pale curvature

An ocean

Borne of bone

Keep your heart

Stitched in a well

Or else it will be

Absorbed by the

Most unimaginable cage

March 27

My favorite contradiction is

How I can hardly carry my

Own burden, yet I crave more

Than anything else to lift

And steal the pain of others and

Stack it upon my crumpled

Form; to let you sing your

Aches into my mouth so I

Can choke on them without

Hesitation. I suppose it would

Be easier to remove the rod

From my left eye, but I would

Much rather be blinded completely

To make it easier for you and to

Prove that you deserve love.

March 28

The sunflower is not defined by its attitude

Instead, it demands for color to be

Sewn into its petals

I would imagine it is jealous of lavender

For its ability to delicate the nostrils

Of the curious and free.

Plus it's a coffee flavor.

That's damn cool.

March 29

Nitpick a sock around the static

That replaced your foot

Listen closely and you will hear

Mostly nothing

Wear your kingdom of noise

Like a toe-shaped badge

Worth being proud of

March 30

Nothing is whole

Impossible to complete

Without first crafting

Mortar and brick

Hysterical masonry gone mad

Trying to justify its

Infernal existence

March 31

Elect a poll:

Which is more impossible

        to enter?

The essence of God,

time, man, space,

nature, soul, sol,

feeling, art, belief,

rage, sound, hurt, life,

breath, emptiness, dying...

A life without eyes.

February

February 1

Seeing you makes me dissolve

Because I am ashamed that you

Are loved by someone like me

Sink to save you the trouble

Of dreaming about a world

Filled with untruth

I will fight the sun

To stop another day from starting

Where we're apart

If we're lucky

I will burn

And you will move on

February 2

I will die a slow death

Inhaling the ashes of your asbence

Coincidental fire singes my eyelids

Digging a shallow grave

Trying to bury my sodden love

I fill my lungs with dirt

February 3

Drunkenly pressed against him

Platonic allegations of saliva

He consents to be hanged by guilt

Still better than seeing you weep

February 4

I never understood analogies about smoking

Half a pack later I still don't

It extrapolates my eyes to match yours

Blackening one thing while another remains intent

Toss your lungs into the avalanche

And let it sweep you to death

February 5

I wonder if people notice

The light in my eyes,

Momentary mental gasp,

When I hear your name

Not even trying to hide it

Nobody asked me but I

Answered the question anyway

Just another dumb excuse

For me to say your name

If I'm breathing, I might as well feel it

February 6

Climbing a brief staircase to the sun

Peer down at everyone, though you can't breathe

It sounds dumb but I'm looking for you

Jump!

Fall!

I missed you

February 7

An infinity without significance

Count the ridges in your teeth

Glancing eyes that claim to know

Rivulets of anxiety

I made you laugh today

It gave a momentary reprieve

But moments pass faster than we do

February 8

A quiet drag from a misanthropic cigarette

We contemplate talking, I hand you a gun

Eyes that beg for satisfaction

For some reason, you toss it to be swallowed by the ocean

Let me get what I want

I don't deserve to suffer anymore

Despite the shit my heart craves,

You show Love

Following in His footsteps with peace

Instead of ending me, you try to help me begin

February 9

I want to be your reprieve

While words and hatred whip about us

A hurricane of everything we find sad or unfortunate

Minuscule scrapes on every inch of skin

Give me the pain you feel

The world needs people like you to give your love freely

Let your love resonate and be felt everywhere

I can focus on the hurt

And take care of it all

 

February 10

Can we be pessimistic lovers?

Wholeheartedly offer ourselves to hell

Upset the status quo if only for a second

Permeating realism with a knowing smile

February 11

If we are called

To create art

Is it cardinal

To create only

Love

?

February 12

Crooked around your neck

An undefined, relaxed crease

Our boundaries dance and waver

Water spilling out from blissful ignorance

A glowing MacBook warms your knees

Being near you warms all of me

Company is why we defend against sleep

It wouldn't be so bad if we did though

Each shared breath vanquishes conversation

With a plume of Janus' oxygen

Eyes half closed, heart fully open

February 13

I know I will never be loved

The way a flower loves dirt

Vibrant color exploring pity

Trembling filth beneath a rigid umbrella

We pour the soil down our throats

It's not a cry for help or attention

It's merely a blanket we share

Wooly, it itches my neck

February 14

Waves vibrate with scattered friction

Glassy rhythms climb a stairway away from here

A twang breaks the air,

Separating the mind from what it truly wants

Ah, I see.

This is an ode to overthinking things.

If we come from dust, then how come I'm building a tower of sand?

You stop breathing as the tower fades

With the pressure

Of existing another day

I want to leave more than I want you

You already left

Fall face first into a piano chord

The twang steps back and varies itself

In the fashion of a broken kaleidoscope

I've convinced myself that not sleeping will make you come back

But it's 2 AM and my eyes are heavy

A growl from beneath the staircase

Reveals itself to only be mangled music

It plugs itself in and yells at me for being so vain

The attic gets hot but only in my mind

I lost the air conditioner

I lay on my back and carve wistfulness into the roof

Five small pieces of wood fall onto me

And it makes

Me think of you

February 15

Why do vibrations mean more to me

Than most people?

The best bizarre emotional velcro

Tangled up in aural vines

I am content to lie here

February 16

Grasping the concept of your heart's outline

Is like seeing a leaf fall for the first time

Pick it up and cradle its infant veins,

Study every galaxy spread out over it

No one should ever lose appreciation

Of the Little Things

February 17

Flick the switch to shutter your eyelids

A mistaken identity crafted in secret

Maybe I shouldn't try to cram

Five years of emotions

Into one day

February 18

I can't help but see

What I wanted us to be

Crowded in the living room

Building false narratives

Every action is derivative

Reverse my heart into bloom

February 19 

Is it even worth making art

If everything you've wanted to say

Has already been said better?

Every person is unique

That doesn't make all art good

Even if it isn't inherently bad,

Something else captures it better

February 20

Give yourself without abandon

But don't abandon yourself

There isn't much you need

People, water, a pulsing consciousness

Embrace the imperative

Molecules don't matter;

You do

Don't be frightened of dreams

They're merely the fingerprints of stars

Inhale, the passing of years in a day

Exhale, receive heaven with gladness

Blink, sleep, rest

February 21

You wrap yourself in an unashamed blanket

Curled up in the floor's cocoon

Wings haven't come, probably won't

Don't worry

It's better on the ground anyways

February 22

Your breath harmonizes with the gasping wind

Oh, to be

                    A voice in your choir.

Nature plays like a piano made of quicksand

Oh, to be

                    A note in your score.

The hushed gasp of a blameless timbre

Oh, to be

                    A tone in your voice.

February 23

Acorn drums shatter in your ears

Someone is playing a celery bassline

Notes made of açai, lemony glow

Rest on your bed of pure thyme

And let cheddar songs into you

Scone-shaped soul

February 24

A bit of irony

To comprehend the word "incomprehensible"

We are presumptuous enough

To pretend to comprehend it

Doesn't mean we can justify

The incomprehensible

February 25

I'm with you in painless anonymity

Caressing the gaping face of solitude

Conjoined in heathen breathlessness

Urgently and vibrantly punctuate

Your words with headiness

Inhale the autumnal gas

And now I know how to be separate

Fleshy, nervous connection

A whisper saying,

"Don't look at her,

Lust will stamp your eyes into paste"

Prior disconnect prevents my ears

I am merely captivated by the distance

That I have carved, unwilling and broken

I'm with you where we never were

February 26

Lost in useless territory, scribbling words of

  disgust up and down my corpse when from

  a hole in my ambiguity crawls a horrible

  multifaceted man named Truth.

He looks like a jerk and talks with unprovoked

  lust for the receptive tongue of youthful morals.

In a delightful act of vanity I sew my mouth

  shut and demand that my own devices be left to me.

February 27

Humanize something free of error

Here I am anyways, the bearer

Of bad news.

The deliverer of a tremendous message

Instead acting as a somber presage

Of what I can't wait to lose

I suppose if I look on the bright side

You have managed to provdie

Some sort of muse

But that sounds dumb

February 28

Rip into some music

Stuff it into your ears

Placate it 'til it remains

Now bow down and pray

Stuff it into your ears

Clog them when you're empty

Now bow down and pray

Hope that someone hears you

Clog them when you're empty

Though it won't fill your heart

Hope that someone hears you

God knows you aren't listening

January

January 1

Little does not mean less

    Just because I play with Legos

    Doesn't make me inferior

I don't like quinoa, like, at all

But you shouldn't hate me for it

    Almost slip on the floor,

    Running to give people love

My size doesn't diminish me

January 2

I've never actually considered suicide

Maybe I thought about thinking about it

But that's hardly the same

Usually it's guilt that stops me

Putting people through grief

I guess you don't feel guilt once

    you're dead

Call it selfish, call it greedy

As long as it stops me,

    I'm okay with it

I wish people couldn't have

    thoughts like these

I don't know how to stop anyone

    from having

    thoughts like these

But I'll try

January 3

Peanut-encrusted vanity upon your head

That line doesn't make any sense

Stop trying to be deep, idiot

What about "emerald orb of cashews"

That's worse

Go to sleep

January 4

Repetition is key

Building an idea family

There's no place I'd rather be

Pressure crushes the lonely

No diamonds

Only a shattered child

Who tried too much

January 5

Even an idea, filled with longing

Blank invitations plastered on my eyelids

A situational status quo

Conjuring fire just to melt it

I try to feel without inhibitions

But all I see is the reflection of your face

January 6

Force the dog onto the ceiling

But it makes me happy?

Covered in leaves of static

But it makes me laugh?

Lusting after the ability to speak

But I just want to?

Swallow the pill,

        and move on

January 7

A cat sits in my lap, purring affectionately

Pure, loving trust

Based on food and scratches behind the ears

So little expected

Yet so much is given in return

January 8

Is it selfish

        To want love?

To be entitled

        To any affection?

For there to be an end

        To ceaseless loneliness?

    Probably.

January 9

"Try, try again" is supposed to be encouraging

Maybe failure happened for a reason

A second attempt equally doomed

Maybe just let it die instead

Wouldn't that be better?

Relief by way of loss

The uncompromising grasp of the end

January 10

Trapped in a bubble

But surrounded by heartbeats

Clawing fervently through the mist

Journey for a single rhythm

There are countless others

But only one that matters

Alone, surrounded

I want to hear you

January 11

The epitome of selfishness

Jealous of your beautiful happiness

Unrelenting desire to be a part

But if you're better without me

How can I be angry at honesty?

January 12

Vision crafted by emotion

Not seeing what is, but who is

The world's worst filter,

The easiest one to apply

Place your brain beneath your heel

        And press

        And press

        And press

Until you feel perspective's richochet

Oldness crumbling

Something cresting far away

January 13

I want to make you hurt less

But you don't seem to need it

That's fine I guess

A blurry smear across your chest

Flickering triumphantly in shadows

Too much to be for the best

We try flying from the bird's nest

Broken wings careening from heaven

I let go so you can soar to rest

January 14

Bask in the respite of failure

And then get up

Engage with restfulness

But not forever

January 15

Organized and poised to confess

What I think is fact

But I don't get to determine its truth

I have elected to surrender that ability

Maybe it's supposed to be noble

Giving it up increases the chances of reality

It's more like inverted Russian roulette

Nothing I can do about it

January 16

There is something pure and special about

  being the first to do anything

Whether it is revolutionizing humanity

  by setting foot in the heavens

Or merely breaking the crystalline haunt

  that is fresh snow

An encounter with wonder that

  clasps your beating heart

Disappearing as soon as you

  wrap your mind about it

January 17

I can count on one hand the number

  of times we've interacted in a month

If that's what's best for you, I'm fine

But you need to let me know.

Please.

January 18

It would have been better to be silent

The discrepancy of memory could have been avoided

How selfish could I possibly be

It caused a fundamental shift that can't be undone

A sudden leap into sudden clarity

If you never saw me again, that would be better

I'll go into your mind and burn all the memories

The guilt I've caused will vanish into ashes

The fear I've built will finally be gone

I beg you to leave me in the dust behind you

I'm sure I'll be happier here without you

That's a lie

But as long as you're happier in the distance

Then I can design a certain kind of peace

And exit this reality, apart and forever

January 19

Aren't you supposed to protect things you love?

Instead of forcing them underwater

Until they scream an answer

I wish we could trade places

Where I'm drowning instead

Take your love like a stake

Or just run

I can't come in unless you let me

And you never will

January 20

You are the match flicked at my wicked facade

Illuminating the corner where I let myself live

A crumpled ball of optimism I try to swallow

The lump in my throat fights back

Blame ricochets around a room of clay

Never will I let it hit anyone but me

Muddled dents where I have flung myself

Trying to make you love me

Apparently space will make it better

But space isn't a distance, it's a state of being

The holiness of being set apart

January 21

Betrayed by what you give the most weight

I should probably be dead, by any rate

Pour out a glass filled only with ahte

And I drink it without a thought

A blanket of unworthiness draped over me

Chained by the refusal to let myself free

Are you offended by what I want to be?

I love you too much for the answer to be yes

Let me float away

Let me fly away

Into unknown space

Without anyone but you

January 22

Your face is scarred on my eyes

I'll keep them closed to hide the lies

The pain of covering that I am not fine

Battle the honesty until it all dies

Christmas lights in January

Dimly illuminating my unfortunately

Still-beating heart

Gambling on how much I'll disappoint

My love can't be contained by these crumbling joints

The stars in my eyes managed to exploit

Ramshackle planets, pushing the breaking point

Christmas lights in January

Brilliantly exposing your blessedly

Still-pulsing soul

January 23

A stubborn child burning the bridges he loves most

Sit down to watch it all sink away

Claiming vicarious greed like a boast

Pray to God you'll never see me another day

Furious at what I seem to misunderstand

How shitty can hating someone's joy be?

If it was you, I'd find it beautiful

Carelessly drag my hypocrisy from my mouth

January 24

I am terrified of the fullness of love

How finite is it? When will it return?

    Will anyone be next?

I am cheating myself by wanting to move on

Won't it be better? Help us heal?

    Who could ever be next?

I am kidding myself into it

Would it sting? Could you be happy?

    No one could ever be next

January 25

I won't let myself stop loving you

Even when I'm digging my own grave

Do you believe anyone is meant for you?

Muttering quiet words of desperation to myself

Perceive interest as temptation

If only it were even real

Engaged to my self-reprobation

January 26

Vines full of berries

Just out of reach

I don't want the fruit

The embrace of my neck

Refusing to gasp

January 27

I will take my ramshackle fists

And fight with belief

Unbound by a happy ending

I will dance with anxiety

Let your love be silenced

And rattle the cage of heaven

Grapple with spatial politics

I will embrace the quiet

January 28

It is snowing

A gift we perceive with anger

This tiny downpour of love

Yell at the night because it's all

You can do (everything)

Unleash a cavalcade of eclipses

Every moment, ask the sky

"Am I giving enough?"

"Am I loving enough?"

I pray that it will reply

With any unyielding affirmation

I know that it won't

Still I cling to the hope

That it will

January 29

A weak and witless emperor

Is told to reclaim his landscape

Of nothingness

What if it was ceded willingly?

A tour of a countryside

Crafted from reminders

The potential mounment

That only existed in dreams

January 30

Creativity is first to the guillotine

And we allow for the lever to be pulled

Even bury the corpse

Burn the print and pencils

Along with half of your desires

Eat the ashes to get childhood nutrients

Choke, choke, choke

Like you wanted

January 31

Sitting across the inconsequential room

Hoping that you ignore me

A string of lights around my head

Projecting where I want to be

Ripple of fear over a dead body

Jealous that they're free